HOPE for 4 days

I quit Disney on January 6, 3Kings day. It meant something for me: Freedom from being ignored, invisible, undervalued. It meant saying no to feeling useless and serving entitled people. 

I accepted working at HOPE FLORIDA on January 9. I started on the 9th. HOPE Navigator II. I would be helping people navigate the system to get the assistance they need. It complimented all I do as counselor and I saw it as a good oportunity to later on move to counseling within DCF. I was happy about it. I also had a gut feeling...

So yes as ridiculous as it sounds, the Story repeated itself with government disappointment. Yesterday I was asked to do voluntary resignment because new leaders at Hope said they can't comply with accommodations that I require. 

Voluntary resignment. Quitting.

I had asked for ADA accommodations. during the interview I specified I don't drive anymore because of my low vision and that I depend on other ways for transportation. from their group they had said it will be fine as I will not have to get out of the office continuously. In terms extra time or breaks for my eyesight They say they can't give that because of the nature of the line emergency, immediate action... Never mind the fact that I was hired as navigator to which referral from Navigator 1 and is for long term care. I also had to explain how my vision works, which I had already done as I don't hide my disability. It was implied that I will not comply with reports deadlines... to wish I reminded them I am a counselor and I comply with deadlines for reports for Medicaid. Still leadership if I would voluntarily resign.

It's been a fight just to acknowledge my issues with my eyes to accept that yes this is a secondly stability since I am already diabetic. I felt many things I felt disappointed I felt angry especially at the hint of me not being able to comply with the job.

So I smiled and did not hesitate. 

I went to my desk to write the letter, but I already had no access. 

I took my stuff and left the batch with the secretary, who could not believe I was leaving.

Four days.

I quit my 12 years job to give this a chance, because I was gonna help people...

Four days.

I have had no strenght to cry. It has been a day... I still feel cheated, betrayed, and angry at the whole situation because I never hid I had low vision. I never hid I could not drive. I demonstrated I could do the job, and I understand it pretty well. But, leadership disregarded the knowledge and the note from the ADA area, and it is not possible to accommodate me.  Sure. Tell me another story... They could have done the accommodation. But I spotted right away that one had a condescendent smile and the higher up just didn't want me there.

One thing I have learned is to not be where you are not wanted. 

I dont know what impression they had of me. I will never know. All I know is that I'm angry because looking to have stability to keep my dream going now I face uncertainty that taxes all of our financial situation.

I'm taking this as a sign to dive in into counseling, get more cases and get the hours thing done. Finish complying in 1 year. After getting that license then I can move on to other things... I am just scared of not having my medical plan and the certainty of at least some money to get food.

I will try not to dwell on it... but the gut feeling I had about postponing leaving Disney turne true. Once again, the government job was a mirage. Two times. The 1st at the Clerk of Courts where they fired me on Day3 because I would not lift a laser printer in my arms and I dared ask for a cart... All gives WTF vibes. All is a giant muddy WTF.

I pray I am where I am needed, and in the end this was for the best.

I pray I find a tribe and certainty.

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