Things to think of... thinkgs to weight in:
I really dont know what to think of disney and of counseling.
DISNEY, 12 YEARS UNDER THE BRIDGE
The being able to keep going with Disney is a dead end road. It took the meeting with the HR rep to see that it is real, there is nothing else for me there. My interests have shifted so much... I am not longer corporate bitch, or tech bitch... I am still corporate in terms of how I love the structural business life, but I am not for a soulless job. The shift to human services is real. I see hours ding nothing and just getting paid as wasted life. I am strongly considering, and waiting, on this government job that has a job description that I think says my name. I dont even want to counsel anyone... I want to offer direction and solutions. I just don't know if afterwards when I am actually in the cubicle will I still feel this way...
PBS
I have odouble feelings about counseling, especially with the more notes, ongoing investing of time and unreliable turnover. I feel it is a job that i sleisure and for sport. I don't know if this will be sustainable if rules tighten and I cant comply... I will do my best, try my best. I cant leave Disney until I have the letter from HOPE, and then... then I have to evaluate if the 20 hours that I am required are actually doable for me. I feel tired and trapped. I'm trying to push for the license... I need it to get the TFCBT certification. I just dont know...
HOPE
I get this call after manifesting fo rit, and then I get the cold feet because of big changes and complicating my life... But I need to get out of being here in the house. I feel completely invisible in every way. I am so sad... and feel so lonely. How can I even try making friends being within 4 walls? Life has passed me by, and I still have not done something important for Deedee, or for me.
WHAT's UP
I have no idea... I will keep pushing but... need to tighten up the focus.
-Study for the test
-Take the test
-Complete the hours
-Submit to be licensed
-Submit for TFCBT Certification
These are all key to go on. I know someday I will look back and laugh as it all went so quick... like completing the Master in MHC. Oh, but the process...
I feel no connection with M or K. I feel I just live here. I feel I just should take a plane and go home. But then what. I have nothing/noone left there. I will just be alone, blind and rotten in the house. Everything is so uncertain over there, with the war making us targets. All is uncertain.
In the meanwhile... here I am in this place I dislake, feeling displaced, undervalued, unappreciated and lonely...I know my worth, but what is the point when I am constantly stepped over...
GIVETH THANKS
I give thanks to God for my awesome upbringing. I had no idea that in fact it was perfect.
I give thanks for Gladys and Willie.
I give thanks for Deedee and Sti.
I give thanks for Edni, and for her not being in pain anymore.
I give thanks for M, whom I clash with all the time but whom I know loves me in his own weird way.
I give thanks for the other daughter, with whom I share nothing but whom I love with all my heart.
I give thanks for the houses. They bring possibilities.
I give thanks for the people who still remembers me somehow... I honestly don't know who by now... but they are out there cheering me on in their own psychic way.
I thank you God for every challenge who has shaped me into someone better than the 17 year old brat who thougt she knew anything about life. I knew nothing.
God, bless me with tools to be my best, to help others and to keep growing.
Amen.
Using D&D for group therapy. I completely forgot this was one of the things I wanted to do. I need to reachout to Tracy with this... I would love to run such games on saturdays for the kids.
Training is 600-800. It is something to consider after I pass the dreaded NCMHCE test.
The Disney situation had been making my juices flow
WHAT ARE THE GOALS
GET THE JOB. Or do I already have it and I have not acknowledged it because of fear of not having benefits? What holds me back? As I have witnessed, I am but a speckle in the giant world of Disney, a speckle that can wait for solutions for weeks, and if they get lucky I will make the final mistake that will end it all.
The DISNEY issue. Why Disney? Why I hold on to staying? Just 3 more years to getting the free passess, thats what I keep telling me... but in 3 years maybe that will not matter anymore because stress will have completely depleted me. What I wanted from Disney:
-Let go of it after completing 15 years. I will be 55. I will get my forever passes. Is it worth it?
- Phones. It's a nogo because of my eye situation, will not comply with metrics, dragging team down. Other options that have been suggested: move to another team, maybe IT? Oh, IDK... IDK how I feel about IT again... But I know I cant keep accepting meager roles when I have degrees and experience.
I have an interview to explore some options, mainly PT but the agent may help with something else. May the odds be always in my favor.
WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
Dungeons. It was my life. It brought happiness and helped me through dark times. It brought people that mattered into my life. I would like to do that for others. The therapeutic game that I wanted to do and forgot I wanted to do. From being fun I have become a stuckup dull mouse that keeps running in the wheel. Counseling has brough part of the spark back, even if I wont acknowledge that working with kids have pushed me to imagine again... and I am damn good at it. Counseling... I have to stick to virtual as I cant drive around. Maybe create virtual gaming group as test? Hmm... Kids with ADHD and ADD and any issues handling social skills and self-regulation can benefit from this. This is of note, and a biggie to explore.
Painting. aint murals, paint little dolls. Paint. I just need more direction on many other promts/ativities to integrate for each goal I want to help my clients accomplish.
Healing help. I would love working at risk patients, ipv, trafficked... caregivers of special needs and seniors. It seems like a scatter splat of ages, but all hold in trauma...loss/grief, anxiety, depression...
I enjoy creating happiness in people's lives. Bringing joy, Bringing resilience. Helping them see their awesome selves.
IN THE END
The end of DIsney is the beginning of me being able to:
Getting that license I would:
Remarkable change
is simply the result
of tiny, unremarkable actions
done
day in, day out.
So, there has been some moves going on that contribute to some part of peace:
GLADYS HOUSE:
Finally after all the struggles I have the GRAVAMEN CANCELADO.
Next step:
Finally got GRAVAMEN CANCELADO.
Next step:
Here I present to You my wishes. Asking as your daughter, asking to place shape to the things You already know I want but that even I forget.
-Revised Nov13 2025
I need to start again the exercising routine to have energy. To move.
I'm at 205. Better than the 245 but still high. I should be at 175. That's my target.
So... starting again with:
AIRWALK 30 min
That's all for now.
Let's see if I make it 7 days...
Next 2 weeks:
STEPPER 5 min
WALKER 30 min
Armthing 3 sets 15 ouch!
Violet band 3 sets 15
